Birthdays

Alas, its strange how I have many friends who are born in the month of May and each of them I hold so dear to heart. There's Joab on the 21st, Wah Toon and Wah Kiat on the 25th and Alex on the 28th. With the exception of Joab (cos I just got to know him), I didn't manage to get the others prezzies last year. For Toon and Kiat it was because I didn't get the opportunity to meet up with them and for Alex, by the time I knew him his birthday was over. All this was quite a regret but luckily this year I managed to get them something.

For Joab, I got him some chocolates because I don't really know what he likes and getting him too big a gift when we just know each other might freak him out. For Alex, I got him a 1/2kg cake delivered to his house on 27th. Haiz... but I didn't know he was holding a Birthday Party on the 23rd. He would already have a large large cake to enjoy so I guess mine is really very extra... Hopefully he doesn't find eating mine too much a burden. Haha. For Toon and Kiat, the twins I've known for 8 years, I got them a custom-made "gift-box shape" 2kg chocolate cake. That should last them for a while.....Haha. But I am really a silly boy. I already planned this from last year so when I was applying for my army computer card and needed a referee, I purposely asked for Alex's and the twin's address. But just when I was delighting in the upcoming surprise, I suddenly realised that I had to ensure there was someone at home that day to receive it. Damn! In the end I still had to reveal it just that they don't know its a cake. Though my pocket is burnt through (The 2kg cake especially was $90), but at least I'm glad I am able to get them something this year. Afterall, birthdays are special and I want them to know they too are special to me. Thanks for having been my friends!

Haiz.... "Birthdays are special" and how true this is. The reason why I never forget my friends' birthdays stem from my own desires. Somehow, I have started to place what I desire onto my friends. Birthday as the name suggests celebrates the day a person is born, but more importantly, it recognises the person's existence as a source of joy and happiness to others. Because you made a difference in the lives of others that's why people want you to be "Happy" on that day. And the reason why others give you presents on your birthday is not because they want to add on to your inventory but rather to let you know how much you mean to them.

I vividly remember the day of my 18th birthday. To many, it is a day of joy and happiness. But to me, that day was an unfortunate memory I have to carry. Nobody in my family remembered my birthday on that day. If you think the Dixon you know isn't silly enough, wait till you hear this. That day, I waited long and hard for my sister and my parents to come home. I pretended that it was just any other day. But deep down, I was hoping that they would suddenly turn around and whisper to me a "Happy Birthday!" That was all I needed to make my day, no presents were required. Slowly, time passed and when it was 10pm, I could no longer withstand sitting alongside them. I gave an excuse of being tired and retired early for the night but there was no way I could sleep. I lay quietly on my bed, staring at the digital clock in front of me. Time passed....10.30pm......11.00 pm.......11.30pm.....With every half hour, my heart wrenched with pain. My rational mind told myself that most probably they had a really busy and tired day so they forgot, its not their fault. Yet deep down, I was still hoping that any moment they would pop into my room and "surprise" me with a "Happy Birthday!"

11.59pm. My heart raced faster than a F1 racing car and my hopes started to dwindle by the second. On one side I knew all was lost but yet I still prayed fervently that a miracle would happen. Then, the clock struck 12.00am. The moment the time turned 12, tears trickled down the side of my face. I slowly wiped off my tears with my hands and turned around. I could no longer face the clock. As tears caressed me softly and I drifted off to sleep, I could only whisper to myself "Happy Birthday Dixon".

You could ask why then didn't I just tell them outright. But to me, that no longer had any meaning. I'd rather accept the fact that I'm negligible than create an illusion that I am not. I have long grown past the age of caring about presents. All I long for every year is just a simple sms and that is all it needs to make my day.

It is basically this reason why I don't want others to feel even the slightest pain I went through. I want my friends to know that they are ALL special, if not to anybody, it is to me. Even if I'm not at all special to them.

I have a BMT section mate called Yu Heng and I know you are most probably the only one who is so free to come and stalk this place. I really HATE talking to him. Why? Because he can always see through me. He always knows what I really want and he always knows when I'm really sad. Though he has never seen me cry, he knows when I'm about to. In front of him, I feel that I am being stripped piece by piece. Though he is very egoistic, always boasting that I can never forget him and I really shouldn't feed his ego any further but I really have to say, he is correct. I can really never forget him. Just like how I can never forget any of my friends I hold so dear to my heart. Between me and all my friends lays a pair of binoculars. From the side I am looking through, each and every one of them are big. Yet I know from the side they are looking through, I am but a minute figure.