Frankly I am in awe of myself. I already came out of all that wreck weak and frail and it took a lot out of me to take those blows. Because you are unable to discuss something without losing your temper, I choose to end the discussion hoping you will feel better. I chose not to talk about these things yet you dug them out only to wreck my heart again. You blamed me for digging up old shit when I already tried hard to bury them with blood and you asked me to unearth them. Yet whenever we have issues you only choose to run.
Have you ever considered that the reason why these 'old shit' exist is because you persistently refused to face them and clear them? Yet when I break my heart into pieces and use them to try to bury old issues, you start to taunt me by saying there is nothing that we cannot talk about. You claim you want to hear what is bothering me and you want to hold my hand and walk us through. Yet after my hands are dirtied digging it out, you throw my hand aside and get angry for even trying to stretch my filthy hands out.
You left me speechless but it was a choice and a compromise. You delivered a punch to my heart and I chose to pat your hand and ask if your hand hurt. Possibly I was really too filthy or scum-like and you couldn't help but add on two blows with a sledgehammer. Pardon me but my heart never really healed and I can't take more. You always said you would help to heal me but you never did.
You dismissed my passion as bullshit and a parasite that would only bring things down. You rebuke me for picking on you when I'm asking you to step lighter on my heart. To you I am worthless along with all I stand for and I all do yet to me you are worth all the pain, compromise and contribution. Many have told me to wake up and move on with life, a happier life disjoint from yours but I chose to take this path and possibly I asked for this.
Try reading what you said again and hopefully you can feel a fraction of my hurt or perhaps you would regret not putting in another blow.
Heart-shattered
