From the day we were born, we were destined to die. This is not pessimism; this is a fact of life. Just as the gift of life accords all of us the same status, Death is also the great equalizer. The only difference is that some of us finish our cycle earlier and some just get to enjoy the process a little longer.
I would consider myself a man of the new age, someone from the 21st century. I come from the generation of computers, the internet, space shuttles and air-conditioning. Yes, that darned cooling device we all love. On top of that, I get to die from a modern day disease – cancer, what a fashion statement. Liver cancer, stage 4, terminal. I don’t drink so it’s probably not the reason my liver becomes a rock but with all the radicals, pollution and whatnot, it really isn’t that much of a surprise I am afflicted with it.
Well, when we talk about stage 4, chemotherapy doesn’t really does more than make you lose your hair. You would rather spend the money on preparing your funeral than on something that makes you puke and worse still, make you ugly. Put it in another way, not everybody has the chance to prepare for their funeral. Afterall, it isn’t always nice to bother others with having to buy you coffins or wreaths.
So, when I know it’s almost time to change my bed, I withdraw some money from the bank and go for one of the more unorthodox treatments – retail therapy. Girls would scream and shriek like your ancient banshees when you mention the word “SHOPPING”, but I give shopping an entirely new meaning.
Coffins, wreaths and crematorium services are definitely the basics. Afterall, if I didn’t get a plush comfy bed at home, I would want to relinquish that feeling in a coffin. Oh yes, flowers! Flowers are nice. They serve as wonderful decorative purposes and make the place smell all nice and fragrant. I wouldn’t want people to think I forgot to bathe before I took my last nap. Lastly, we can’t leave the coffin lying around forever and to save space, torching it is always the best ending.
I think I forgot to mention that I had a childhood dream that never materialized. I always wanted to host a party be it for my birthday or otherwise. Well, if I couldn’t do it for my birthday, I would still like to have a memorable one for my funeral though I don’t think I will be the one remembering it. Also, I have a secret to confess. Deep down, I’m actually an extremely vain person. I want to look all handsome and I don’t think my pale corpse can do that for me. So what better way to do it than photos! I don’t want black and white serious photos. I want my own montage with colourful photos of me and my friends during the happy times. I never got to have one shown during my birthdays so its time I got my wish fulfilled. Just let me be selfish for once.
What is a party without invites! So I set about making my own custom-made invitation cards bearing my stylish cool signature. I didn’t include the RSVP option because ALL of you are coming and its compulsory with the capital “C”. Just give me some face and turn up for once. I promise there’ll be a wonderful spread with a custom dish for every person depending on what each and every one of you likes to eat. I don’t think I’ll be able to cook them personally when the time comes but rest assured the chef has my recipes and has been well-trained. I will remember who doesn’t eat beef, who dislike prawns and who eats pretty much everything. Hahaha..
Being the rebel I am, I’ll even throw in something better! Traditional funerals require the guests to bring along a red packet with a token sum of money which sometimes exceed just being token. I wouldn’t want my friends to go to such expense so I’m cancelling that. On top of it, I’ll prepare a red packet for everyone to take away. Treat it as my token of appreciation for taking the time to come for my last party. I’ll help to offset your transport fees and if the food isn’t to your liking, you can use the remainder to get a bite at a posh restaurant.
Now that most of the preparations are done, it’s time for me to record my speech. I have to say sorry to each and every one of you for magically disappearing out of your lives for the past 6 months. You know cancer doesn’t give you a nice face colour and I really don’t want to lie to anyone who would ask. The most painful thing is not death itself but seeing someone slowly walk towards it. I don’t even want to look in the mirror for the past 6 months and all the more I wouldn’t want my friends to look at me. If I’ve not done anything nice for them before, at least let me swallow this pain myself. I never want to see you all cry and you better not let your tears smudge my make-up. Some say that the coffin is but a box and to me, it’s my confession box. Hopefully it can allow me to be forgiven for the things I’ve done and for the hurt I’ve given to my best friends.
Looking at the photos I’ve chosen for my montage, I suddenly miss my friends a lot. They were all beautiful chapters in my life and unfortunately it is time for me to end my life-book. I’ve not allowed myself to cry because I know if I can’t even do this, how am I to ask my friends to keep their tears. I’m getting a little tired and I’ll miss the hugs and friendly pecks on the cheek from you all but all I have left to ask is a smile from you. Cheese….
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