I think I have a problem...

Yup.. the title says it all.. I think I have a problem and I really dun like it.. I can't seem to be able to taste now.. Since my first dental extraction, there is always a strange taste that lingers in my mouth and I can't seem to taste things accurately. I have to ask my family to taste my cooking for me and I'm cooking things that I dunno how they taste.. Jialat liao..

Second Extraction

Well, today I finally went for my second round of wisdom tooth extraction this time for the top and btm left while removing the stitches for the right ones. This time round was much scarier because the dentist just injected the anaesthesia straight away without even applying the white cream. And barely waiting for the effect to set in, he began the operation. Halfway through the operation for the bottom tooth, I could even feel a sharp pain at the end of my jaw and he had to top up LA. Imagine feeling pain halfway through! But this dentist was much friendlier than the one at AH. That dentist at AH was PURE coldness.. Ok ouch.. it hurts so I have no mood to write too much.. Another time..

Emotional Bank

Everyone has an emotional bank. When you contribute, plan that special event for someone, do something nice for someone you are withdrawing from it. When someone does something that makes you feel loved you are cashing in on that same account. I think I've depleted mine too fast.. I feel a little emotionally tired

Pang seh Pang seh

Well, I dunno what got into me that I'm updating this so often. Haha.. Well today is the actual day for my mum's b'day. I got her a mango cake from bengawan solo and pushed away all my appointments to have dinner with her.. But she ended up shopping with my aunt at chinatown and called back to say they having dinner outside. So in the end I ate canned food (the ultra unhealthy type). Fancy getting pang seh'ed by your mum.. But its alright, its her birthday and what matters is that she's happy. She said she liked the earrings I got her. Though they weren't expensive but I thought they looked nice. She turns 49 today (or I shouldn't be saying this) and I think she deserves better from me.. Hopefully she can feel the effort I put in everyday to prepare dinner for her. So she can have nice soup at the end of a day of tiring work. Then my few hours of preparation will be worth the while.

Haha.. yesterday my dad was telling my mum how I was still joking after the extraction and everything was alright.. Luckily he didn't know it was just to put their hearts at ease.. Who could be in the mood to joke and laugh after extracting two wisdom teeth and when the pain got so bad it jolted me awake at 2am to eat painkillers. But all this teaches me: treasure and cherish your loved ones be they your family or friends. At least if I just leave suddenly one day, I had the opportunity to do something for them. I don't want to one day regret that I never been able to cook dinner for my family or make/buy things for my friends. Afterall, they deserve it! All of them!

Old Blog Skin

Well, I've decided to revert back to the old blog skin though I preferred the other one. Its because I can't seem to be able to view comments and sometimes there are technicality problems because the other is purely HTML. So my counter drops from 600 to 0. Haha.. But it doesn't matter because how many view this is not important.

On an additional note, today I cooked the chicken and soup for dinner and another success. Woot! Looks like I'm well on my way to becoming a house-husband.. KAKA.. kidding..

Dental Dental

Life is often or maybe always, a crossroad of choices and every choice is like a wooden see-saw. While you get to enjoy the thrill at the top of one end, you also have to experience being at the bottom. Well, actually I'm not very sure why I started off with that but I did.

Anyway, today I attended my scheduled visit at Alexandra Hospital. It was supposed to be for a wisdom tooth extraction for my bottom left and right ones but after x-ray it showed that I had 2 upper ones too which weren't impacted like the bottom ones. For those who don't know, impacted means that the tooth is growing horizontally instead of vertically like normal. So the nurse advised that I remove all. I ended up extracting the top and bottom right ones. Well, my busy dad was so good to go down to help me sign the consent form and stay ALL the way until I finished. Love you Dad! The dentist was so rough she nearly cut the side of my mouth with the scalpel when she put it in but its over anyway. So now I have another appointment next friday at Jurong Medical Centre for the other two along with the removal of the other two wisdom teeth.

To be frank I am not exactly a fan of operations so I was quite nervous. My hands were icy cold (but that's normal) and after the operation I still had to smile cos I was afraid my dad might get worried. Then I sent a playful sms to my mum so she would think that I'm ok (if you can joke you should be alright). Really don't want them worrying, afterall this operation cost my dad's medisave $715 already and the next one another identical sum. My friends are all so caring, all sent sms-es to ask how I was doing. The only hassle now is that the wound keeps bleeding. I keep spitting out blackish-red blood and that is not because I'm poisoned or what but just that the blood is too concentrated. Been bleeding for 8 hours already and by the 6th hour I was actually quite dizzy from the loss of blood. Hopes it stops bleeding by tomorrow morning. I'm waking up at 5.30am for my next dose of medication and maybe cook some porridge for breakfast. I'm really starving but if I go cook something now then my parents would know so better not.

Anyway, I've thought of taking this time to see whether I can learn some cooking or try things out. Well, if I can't eat then my family gotta be the guinea pig! Keke. Hmm.. this year's CNY is together with V day, wonder how all the couples gonna celebrate.. Hope they have both a happy CNY and V day. I'll be in Malaysia during that time as usual, celebrating with my maternal side of the family. Well, till another time, this is Dixon signing off.. Haha.. so cliche..

Girls need lessons on how to sit

I really want to say this: GIRLS NEED LESSONS ON HOW TO SIT!!!

I was at this coffee shop eating and there were this group of school girls at a table further away. Dunno which school they are from cos I'm not into uniform-study but there were about 3 of them. Being students in a group, they were chatting happily away while the uncles in the coffee shop were staring at them. Well, they weren't exactly being very loud or gorgeously beautiful so one might wonder why so many people were staring at them.

The reason is simple, they were wearing school uniforms (skirts) and sitting with their legs open the way some guys do (which is ok for guys cos they wear pants). This crude position conveniently displayed whatever was under their skirt to the willing or unwilling public. Obviously the uncles were enjoying every moment of "eye-candy".

Well, when I left I decided to do the girls a favour. I went up to one of them and said this (I said in chinese but the meaning is this in english) "Girl, you might want to close your legs, everybody is staring.." After which I left. The girls obviously embarrassed immediately halted the free show. Sorry uncles for stopping your enjoyment! HAHA.. Girls really need to learn how to sit properly so they can protect their modesty. Grrrrr

The real meaning of friends

Before I get to the blog post proper, would just like to say that somehow I can't find where to read the comments people post. So kindly try to leave them on the tagboard or enlighten me how to read them. Thanks

Well, its just some sort of an enlightenment I got. Some people have really taught me what it means to be a friend and in contrast, some have also just as clearly shown what isn't. A friend isn't someone that stands you up, one that always gives countless excuses for them when the only clear one is just that you really aren't that important in their lives. To them, you are but someone who is at their beck and call. When they feel bored or crudely speaking, they have a vacant slot in their schedule their desperately want to fill, they will ask you out. When suddenly a "better option" or better companion for this slot appears, you are conveniently thrown out of the picture with less thought given than throwing a piece of used tissue paper. These people are not friends. They are teachers. They have taught me that I am not that important after all and not to expect them to see me just the way I see them. More importantly, they have taught me how naive I am and to wake up from this idealistic dream of who the people around me really are. I shan't put names for it is best to speak not of the evils of others but rather to laud the goods of them.

Well, I guess the only good thing is that in contrast, these people show me how good real friends are. Real friends are there to listen when you need a ear. They are this special group of people that are willing to listen to you grumble and rant even when they themselves have a truckload of worries burdening them and yet they don't complain. They offer you help whenever they think you need it be it whether you accept it or not. Most importantly, friends make you feel loved and wanted. Their actions emphasize again and again how important you are to them and how much they want you to be in their lives in the capacity of a friend.

For this, I really want to say a big thank you to my friends and also the "teachers". The former for just being part of my life and the latter for waking me up to the harsh reality of the world.

Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams

“He wishes for the cloths of Heaven” by William Butler Yeats

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths

Of night and light and the half-light

I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams

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This blog post just ends here. Period.

"Mother" Land

Well, been a long time since I updated anything.. Been real busy with trivial things. Haha.. Going out with friends, slacking, etc and now... I am in Malaysia! Well this time I'm away for a whole 10 days. I just spent 4D3N in Penang and now I'm back in KL. This time we are back to also celebrate my maternal grand-dad's 80th (actually 79th but they count chinese calendar) birthday. My grandparents seem to have really aged so its good that I come back to see them. Penang was nice but not exactly worth 4 days.. ended up watching Avatar & Bodyguards and Assasins back to back. 6 Ringgit each so its SG$2.50. Wonderful price for wonderful movies. Wonder how my friends are back in Singapore celebrating christmas. Must be clubbing or going for dinners or shopping. Really miss them....

Friends vs Acquaintances, Frog vs Toad

It has been said that no man is an island and indeed, we are but a thread woven into the fabric of the society. As such, the fellow threads that reside beside us along with those that cross our paths are given special consideration over those that just remotely line the corners. The term "Friend" has been used countless times for this group of people but how many really know the words they use? A friend is one you place close to heart, someone you want to talk to, a person who you are willing to sacrifice for. For others, I recommend the term "Acquaintance". The difference between "friend" and "acquaintance" is just like the difference between a frog and a toad. They appear to be the same and in actual fact they are greatly similar but they are in essence still two different entities. Maybe its time I re-define the parameters and accord people their proper names.

Time for solitude

Maybe its time I left things as they were and not try to change things. I'm tired.. maybe its time I rest.. yes.. I think I need rest. I don't know what to say, maybe just some solitude to heal..

Topone KTV

I went to TopOne KTV at Bugis on Friday and overall it was quite a worthwhile experience. It costs $18 nett per person from 11am to 5.50pm with free flow ice drinks. Though the ice drinks weren't exactly that tasty and they were like thos from SAF, it was overall still considered worthwhile comparing the number of hours to the price. Beware, personally I feel only the mango and fruit punch is drinkable. The ice lemon tea is totally WEIRD.. I think my voice went into fatigue mode after that.. Haha.. Well, hope to be able to go singing with friends more often after my voice regains its energy. WAKAKAKA

Intermission story

Hmm.. I really dunno if I should continue the story since it is so easily guessable.. I am really not suitable to be a scriptwriter. Well, in the mean time I thought I would insert an intermission piece. This piece is not really a story by itself and it is even shorter than the previous ones I wrote. It is more of a piece describing a feeling. Purely fictional as always and for your comments.
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As the clock ticked like drops of water from a leaking tap, I slowly tilted my head towards the magenta calendar on the wall. 7 days. 7 days have passed. Just as slowly, I lowered my head back into the deafening silence that surrounded me. A tiny droplet of crimson fluid made its way unto my pale white hand creating a horrifying contrast of colours. I knew I was yet again consumed into everything, everything that had happened 7 days ago.

The details of what happened no longer held significance as the outcome overshadowed everything in all of its intensity. I had lost my mother to a traffic accident and it was because she wanted to protect me. Whether it was a car or a truck, whether she was hit from the left or from the right, all these no longer mattered. At least to me it didn't.

From the moment she was robbed of her last breath I knew only grief and sorrow would be my dearest companions in the days to come. I never thought of her as everything, yet at that moment, I felt as though I had nothing left. My soul was fragmented, shattered, obliterated. She was the frame supporting me in all good and bad times and as this frame dissolved, so did I.

I did not need to cry. Afterall, tears just seemed to stream down and it was beyond my control. The emptiness within me began to eat into me. It was like a wound that festered or a parasite that was consuming the very essence of me. I seemed to be contained in a blue bubble of sorrow so much that physical human desires did not seem to plague me. The basic hunger, thirst and sleep seemed to know that my soul was too busy with other matters and they took a long deserved break.

My tanned skin began to turn a ghastly white and all life seemed to have been sucked out of me. Everything grinded to a halt and soon I only knew that I had no more tears to shed. Blood seemed to have taken its place readily and there was little I could do to remedy it. People said losing someone important was painful but I touched my heart and asked "Where is the pain?" I no longer had a soul to allow for the manifestation of pain. I longed to ache and to hurt yet all I had was a harrowing emptiness.

Yet, if things were to happen again I would still choose the same ending. This emptiness was not one I could bear to let my mother undergo. I knew just as she was what I lived for, I held the same if not a higher level of importance in her life. The more I was consumed into grief, the more I was thankful that my mother wasn't the one left behind to undergo all this. She didn't deserve to suffer this emptiness. No one deserved to suffer this be it the greatest criminal on earth. Yet if there was someone who had to I'd rather the person be me. Thank you God for saving my mother from this. Thank you.
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Remember, it is always the living who pains and not the dead. Grieving is never an easy process and I hope courage will be with all who have to undergo such pain.

Trial Test for Story

I've thought long and hard and I found that so far I am only able to write short stories, then I thought maybe I'd challenge a lengthier one, one that would come in parts, maybe like a serial. I've a feeling it isn't going to be nice but here goes...
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Just as the dark figure was about to corner her, Carol jolted awake from her sleep. Luckily it was just a nightmare but it was strange how she had not had this particular one for a period of time and that it had recurred. Tilting her head towards the wall-clock, it was already 6am in the morning. She thought she might as well forget going back to sleep and climbed up from my bed out of her room.

Creeping silently into her parents' room, she quietly turned off her mother's alarm clock and just as stealthily exited the parameters. Carol could never really bear having her mother wake up so early just to make breakfast for she and her brother. Having to work was already tiring enough and she definitely needed as much rest as she could get. After Carol took a bath to clean herself from the perspiration her nightmare gave her, she prepared breakfast for her younger brother and herself just as quietly as though she was afraid of waking the family up. When the clock struck 6.30am, she woke her brother up and prepared both of them for a fresh new day of school.

School was always something Carol enjoyed be it the teachers, the lessons or the friends but maybe exams fared a bit lesser on that scale. Always equipped with a bright cheery smile, she was always ready to make the start of the day wonderful for her friends. Carol was in secondary 3 and she was glad she didn't have to be stuck in the whirlpool of O' level preparations and studying. She had the luxury of participating in her CCA, chilling out with her friends and just enjoying the fresh air. It was as though she could have her cake and eat it.

She had a really really good friend who was in the same CCA, badminton, as her. Well, at least this friend considered herself to be Carol's best friend. This person was Yue Tong, a bubbly girl from China who had the defect of a short tongue which caused her to fumble a little with words. She considered herself Carol's best friend and being the kind soul, Carol was never cruel enough to refute that.

Well, it so happened that Yue Tong was pre-occupied with other commitments that day and she had to go for badminton practice alone. So instead of her usual pairing with Yue Tong, today she was paired by the coach with a guy called Zine. Zine wasn't exactly the very sociable type. In fact, he preferred indulging in solitude and rarely spoke to others. So though he did have charming looks, he wasn't a favourite with most of the school-mates. But Carol thought "It's only a badminton practice, it can't be that bad" and well, it didn't turn out that bad either.

As time slowly passed, it soon came to the end of badminton practice and Carol began to make her way home. As she took the usual path home, she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her abdomen and the pain was so unbearable that she had to bend over. It so happened that Zine was on his way home too and seeing that there was something strange with Carol, he approached her to take a closer look. However, when he saw a stream of blood streaking Carol's leg, he got more than he expected.

"Oh my god, you are bleeding Carol! Are you injured? What happened? Do I need to call 995?" A quick barrage of questions flooded the pain-stricken Carol which did not really suit his usual cool image. Forcing a smile out from her pale-white face, Carol just uttered "Don't be silly, its just what girls have every month and I didn't expect it to come today, it's nothing"

Well, if a girl said that there is little that a guy can do except be embarassed and considering Zine's character, it was no wonder that he began to blush. Putting aside his embarassment, he still thought Carol wasn't in that good a state. "You still need a hospital in this state even if it is just ... just.. that.. so don't argue and I'll get you there". Supporting Carol, the two of them made their way to a nearby hospital to seek medical attention for this poor girl who had a more painful than normal period.

As Carol was being attended to at the A&E, Zine could only anxiously wait outside. After a while, two nurses came out of the area Carol was and started gossiping. Yet, what he heard was definitely more than what he had expected for a routine day of school.

"What are teenagers coming to, 15 years old and already not a virgin"

To be continued.....